East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
