he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
