Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
