Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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