why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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