Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
