I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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