textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
