I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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