Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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