I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
be right there i have to get my cape
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
