The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
