I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
