I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
