____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
