So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
