We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
