C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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