Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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