Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
