She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
