you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
