What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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