i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
