You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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