I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
