just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
