I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
