I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
