We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
