Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
