should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
