O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
