you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
