you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
