i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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