I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I am puke
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
