Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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