I want to stick my p in your. b.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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