Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
