i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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