I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
