There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
