Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
