My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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