Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
