you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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