Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
