Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
