i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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