Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
